When Love Isn't Safe: What the Baltimore Tragedy Teaches Us About Teen Dating Violence
· teens · By The CCD Clinical Team · Clinically reviewed by Lisa R. Savage, LCSW
Teen dating violence is more common than we think — and it doesn't wait for adulthood. Learn the warning signs, how to talk with your teen, and where to get help in Delaware.
Like so many of you, I've been heartbroken this week. A tragedy in Baltimore has left a community grieving — young lives lost, families shattered, and all of us asking the same question: how does this happen to kids?
We may never fully understand any single case, and it's not my place to speak to the specifics. But I do want to talk about something this moment is forcing many parents to think about, maybe for the first time: dating violence doesn't wait until adulthood. It shows up in teenagers. Sometimes in children barely into their teens. And most of us never saw it coming because we weren't taught to look.
This is more common than we want to believe
Teen dating violence is not rare. About 1 in 12 high school students reports experiencing physical or sexual violence from someone they were dating. Many more experience the kind of abuse that leaves no bruises — the controlling, the jealousy, the constant monitoring, the pressure.
Here's the hard part for parents: teens rarely tell us. They're embarrassed. They're afraid we'll overreact or make them break up. Sometimes they don't even recognize it as abuse — because at 15, intense possessiveness can look like love. "He just cares so much." "She gets jealous because she likes me." Nobody taught them the difference.
What healthy looks like — and what it doesn't
A healthy teen relationship makes a kid feel more like themselves, not less. There's respect, trust, and room to have their own friends and interests.
Warning signs that a relationship has turned unhealthy or dangerous:
- Constant checking up — texts that demand to know where they are, who they're with, why they didn't answer
- Jealousy dressed up as love — controlling what they wear, who they talk to, where they go
- Pulling away from friends, family, and activities they used to love
- Big mood shifts — anxiety, sadness, or fear, especially around the partner or their messages
- Explosive apologies — blowups followed by intense making-up, gifts, or promises
- Fear — flinching at a phone buzz, walking on eggshells, seeming scared to end things
One or two of these can be ordinary teen ups and downs. A pattern is a signal.
What you can do as a parent
Stay in the relationship — the one with your teen. The single most protective thing is that your child feels they can come to you without being judged or losing their phone. Keep the door open, even when they push you away.
Name it early. You don't have to wait for a crisis. Talk about what respect looks like, what jealousy is and isn't, and that no one who loves you tries to control you. These conversations land better in the car than across a table.
If they open up, believe them. Don't rush to "just break up with him." Leaving is often the most dangerous moment in an abusive relationship, and a teen who feels pushed may shut down and hide more. Listen first. Then get help building a real plan.
Bring in support. You don't have to figure this out alone — and you shouldn't. A therapist can help your teen understand what's happening, rebuild their confidence, and stay safe. If there's any immediate danger, call 911.
You don't have to carry this alone
If something in this feels familiar, please reach out — today:
- love is respect (for teens and parents): call 1-866-331-9474, or text LOVEIS to 22522
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- In immediate danger: call 911
At the Center for Child Development, we work with teens and families across Delaware every day — including the hard, frightening things families don't always know how to name. If you're worried about your child's relationship, or you just want a safe place to think it through, we're here. Go to www.ccddelaware.com and complete new client paperwork, or call the office at 302-292-1334.
We can't undo what happened in Baltimore. But we can hold our kids a little closer, start the conversations we've been avoiding, and make sure the young people in our lives know the difference between love and control — before it's too late.